My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
