i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
