I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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