Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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