Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
