My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
