You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
