Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
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Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
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I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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