Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
