I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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