just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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