I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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