I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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