Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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