Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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