Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize