So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
