If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
