I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
