can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
