I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
