So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
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You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
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You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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