My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
