Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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