Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
