took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
