This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
