tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
