Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
