i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
