i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize