you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
