I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
