She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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