I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
