You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
