More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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