sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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