the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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