My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
