Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
