im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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