I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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