remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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