he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
