Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize