I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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