omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
