her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
