i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
