I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Do vagina's smell?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
