Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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