I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
