one might say we're banned from that church
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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