she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
