While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize