Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ass is underappreciated
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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