I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
