What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
