Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
