I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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