dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
