When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
