I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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